These are hard economic times for all of us. If we have been hard hit by the economic downturn through the reduction of our occupation, depressed or stressed by the loss of our savings for retirement or in property, or concerned about the near future, we are stressed. To make things more and worse anxiety-ridden, no one seems to truly understand what’s happening economically. In good times, our career-orientated society has produced unprecedented levels of stress. As a professional couples counselor, I know that these instances have generated marital problems not seen for a while. I’ll provide a few vignettes of couples I’m working with, and I hope to offer you some general help to individuals suffering a multitude of possible life challenges.
With a single couple, the guy, after a successful stock dealer, is currently barely making ends meet. He had assured his wife that she wouldn’t have to work after marriage. That promise is now not possible. She feels cheated of her fantasies. She believes he let her down and neglected. He feels he’s doing his best and she’s treating him critically and unfairly.
Another man just lost his job. He criticizes himself. His wife, also working frantic day and night hours on her job never envisioned life would be similar to this in their late 40s. Children are soon to enter college. Now what?
A female in her mid-50s has been a very successful manager in the financial industry until she lost her job. Although scary, it provides her with a chance to have more quality time to reconnect with her husband and kids. But what will happen to their fiscal future, children’s college expenses, and retirement? See: Guelph General & Couples Counselling | Therapists In Guelph
A young couple with a young child just closed in their first residence. Now comes the stress of higher prices for the mortgage and taxes. The husband, fortunately at a project with considerable overtime, can’t refuse it when accessible, but he’s working excess hours each week. How can he deny any overtime now? But there is little excellent time with his wife and child. Tightening their budget means no Dunkin Donuts coffee, brown bagging lunch, and cutting back on snacks. Eliminating these typical simple joys cause stress. So why perform 70 hours per week? However, what happens when overtime work is removed?
Some unions remain strong when these tough financial times hit, but many couples have been experiencing problems even during strong economic times. Money may be the straw that breaks the back of an already rocky relationship. With innumerable variations of difficult life circumstances during these debilitating financial times, what exactly are people to do? Call Dalton Associates today!
If the husband has lost his job he must keep his wife updated on what he’s done to find a new job. Men have a tendency to believe,”I have already done all that I can do now, so why to talk about it?” Men forget about their problems as a way to reduce stress. Sort of like a mini-vacation to forget about their issues. When men talk about their issues, it brings the pressure and also the inherent impulse men need to fix problems. Girls can misinterpret this ordinary way to get a man to decrease stress anxiety to imply he didn’t try hard enough now, or he simply doesn’t care to share his feelings. This exact same theme can be put on the man whose earnings was reduced, who’s in fear of losing his job, or whose bonus was eliminated or reduced. He may be doing all he could do but just not talking about it. So a man should remember to upgrade his spouse on the circumstance, and a woman must remember his need to let it go. Her continued talking or questioning will make a man feel defensive because he’ll misinterpret her questioning to mean she does not trust his best attempts.
On the flip side, a woman who has lost her job, who’s in fear of losing her job, or whose earnings or incentive has been decreased will want to discuss it. When a woman talks about issues, along with her husband is truly listening, her stress is reduced. And she might need to discuss it a lot, with every small detail thrown in for good measure. A man shouldn’t feel that he must now fix her problem and give unsolicited advice or suggestions. This isn’t what she needs, and it will only increase his anxiety with his sense he has more issues to solve.
Thus, guys, only genuinely listen, breathe deep, be interested, even curious, and she will feel better with no having to do anything. A girl can enable a man by reminding him he need only listen. If you want hints, make it evident in what place you want help. When provided, enjoy his input.
Men kind of has their psychological caves – or alone time — using a sign stating,”Please don’t disturb”. Men like to escape in their own heads where they feel they can be in control and try to figure out things. Girls also have caves, but their signal reads,”I want to speak.” When a guy, attempting to assist, asks a girl,”What’s wrong?” And she says,”Nothing”, it actually means,”Nothing, if you don’t care to listen to and give me a chance to speak.”
During bad or good financial times, it is good communication that keeps a few near. Couples today will need to have a dialogue about budgets generally and for the holiday season. Each partner should share their perspectives on how much should be spent on whom, on what, and why they feel that way. The other spouse need remain silent, repeat what was stated back to their spouse, and admit the validity of what they said. Then the other partner expresses their complete point of view, together with another partner now repeating what was stated, and admitting the validity of their perspective. Remember, there are always two valid points of view all marital decisions. When we actually hear each other, we could further discuss areas where we can or can not compromise, again validating every other. Eventually, a few can develop a suitable comprehension with mutual admiration for each other’s feelings. Click here to get started.
Refrain in the blame game. Produce a plan with good communication. Remember, discussing this current financial strain situation is much like discussing other matters of a relationship. Produce a budget. Be a team. Create a favorable attitude toward change.
Additionally, the most important things in life really aren’t about money. We will need to understand our differences as men and women and learn to better meet each other’s emotional needs. So, men, listen up. Show your wife you care by doing small things. Tell her how lucky you are you married her, tell her how great she looks, write a love note, phone her frequently to tell her your thinking about her, then bring home the milk and bread, stop and get her favorite snack, give her a hug, bring home some flowers, cut the stalks and set them in the vase to get her. Provide her continuing caring, understanding, admiration, and dedication. Remember, it’s expression of the small things which can warm her heart and other parts. And all of this is free of charge through these most difficult of economic occasions. Also, remember just to listen to all she has to say. As I said, saying and being listened to reduces a woman’s stress. This link increases her oxytocin, a woman’s feel-good hormone which reduces stress.
And, girls, listen up. Tell your man the things you appreciate about him. Let him know he makes you happy. If he feels valued, he’ll want to do more for you. Assert yourself and tell him what you want. When he produces, tell him you love exactly what he did. He’ll feel he came up with the idea on his own. Tell him you can count on him. This reinforcement will definitely bring out the best in him. Do everything you can to accept his or her imperfections. Refrain from attempting to change him too much.
Remember, give him his cave moment. By watching sports, playing video games, reading the paper, etc., he can forget about his troubles. Like a mini-vacation, this period increases his testosterone. This frees his feelings of well-being. It is ideal to be the honey outside the cave, not vinegar. Afterward, a guy will come out becoming more available, caring, and loving to his woman.
Both spouses will need to believe, feel, and share what they have to be thankful for in their spouse. And all of this is free.
If your marriage is worried, and you both find it difficult to communicate and get linked, invest in professional counseling. Unlike the present stock exchange, counseling will provide you with handsome gains with gains.